Maintenance mode is on

I’m afraid we’re all out at the moment.  We thank you for your esteemed visit but regret that the entire site is temporarily closed for business.  You may find this an excellent opportunity to ponder such questions as "why am I here?" and "what's my purpose in life?" Meanwhile, we thank our clients for their kind interest and would ask them to leave. Now.

Bonus points if you get it, but seriously we hope to open again someday.

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